Creative Ruts and Serious Questions

These past few weeks I’ve found myself in a creative rut. In the last month, I’ve moved states, left my family and friends, got a new job, and became a legit adult and to be honest I’m not even sure I’m “adulting” but whatever point I’m at in my life, it sure as heck feels like adulthood. With that being said I haven’t had much time for my passions, I have seemed to let all of this newness in my life overpower my being and I’ve lost sight of who I am as a creator, and what drives me as a person.

So recently I started to listen to podcasts, this one podcast in particular called Munchin With Moguls, and they interview women who are empowering their community, and with listening to these podcasts my head was literally FLOODED with questions. How do I impact my community, how do I know what I am meant to do, how do I know once I start to do something I love that it is what I’m destined to do? (I’m a real overthinker). And it has made me so frustrated with myself for not being able to have an answer right away, for now knowing at 22 how I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life (I know dramatic and irrational but a serious worry of mine). And I’ve been so emotional about when I’m going to find out and how will I know I’m doing what God has created me to do.

And because I’m not one to hold back the dramatics (or realness) the other night I was crying to Andrew (my boyfriend) about how I wasn’t sure what I’m supposed to be doing, or how am I going to know if modeling and writing will take me where my heart wants me to go or where I feel like my heart is telling me to go, or what I’m even passionate about anymore. And all he said is “pray about it”. And although those words are 3 words that seem so simple and so obvious it’s something I sometimes forget. Of course, he gave me all the advice I could ask for and comforted me on my questions but at the end of our conversation all I could hear was “pray about it”. So that’s what I’ve been trying to do.

So every day when I think about what I want to do with my life, or when I pray at night and my mind wanders before I fall asleep, my thoughts always come back to this, to writing, to my blog, and most importantly to helping people.  It’s like every time I question who I am and what I should be doing, my heart tells me this, it tells me to write, to be real with my readers and to be vulnerable. My heart tells me to write the things that are hardest for me to write, and to share my stories and secrets that I have been so afraid to talk about for fear of judgment. My heart tells me to share these things and with that will come my impact, with that I will help someone, or change someone’s life for the better.

With that being said, I am passionate about so many things, I’m passionate about modeling and spreading awareness about all body types and showing young women AND men, that our bodies are shells for our souls and that we should feel beautiful no matter what others think (but that’s another post). And more importantly, I’m passionate about my words, and the effect that they can have on my readers.

So basically what I’m trying to say throughout this entire post of me rambling is that

Sometimes it’s hard to wait, and trust me patience is NOT my thing. Sometimes we want to know the answer to all of our questions, and sometimes we want to know right now what we’re supposed to do with our lives, so we can plan and map it out and try and control every piece of it, like us women (and humans) try and do. But at the end of the day, we’re not in control. Yes, we can be in control of our health and our bodies and how we treat one another. But we can’t be in control and manipulate things that are out of our hands we can only help ourselves achieve the path God has for us.

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